"How running saved my Mind plus some". A True Story..
As I was putting together the collage for the previous post ( on Facebook), I came across some old pictures that held a painful story to me. It's so easy to just focus on the fact that I am some pounds lighter and think that the transformation is just physical or could just benefit my confidence but...oh there is so much more.
We hear a lot that " eyes" don't lie, but looking at many before and after pictures, of myself and others, I have discovered that even smiles hold a lot of meaning in themselves.
I came across some pictures from last April and I cried not because of the weight I used to be and have and lost but because of the 'dead weights' I used to carry...and lost...the pounds I dropped since last year are so far from being just physical. I could be here all night trying to explain how I gave birth to my 4 th child just before my birthday and the day that was expected to be like any other C-section for me, ( I had 3 before) turned out to be a fateful day for both of us.
Doctors took extra hours keeping me on this earth and just as soon as I was in the recovery room many hours behind schedule, I was told that only some miracles would allow me to return home with her. Four days later we were finally out of the Nicu but not done with many doctors' visits...I am still praising God for the miracles.
This is the part my weight loss journey can't never tell based on pictures. On one picture I am with my college best friend. She visited last April with her family and teased how I used to be so small in college, me a size zero, she explained how she used to wonder how I could fit in skirts so small.
Hard to swallow that I am now next to her on a couch and I was so big that my knee-long dress almost looked like a mini when I sat down.
We were saying our goodbyes and I smiled for the camera. But while holding the baby and smiling with her I was wondering..." should I tell her what the doctors said..."?
I never did tell her. I kept my faith or fears to myself and just wondered how I would survive mentally. I was falling apart inside but holding strong outside! Does this sound familiar?
When my patient and loving husband insisted that I finally accompany him running, I was so drained, so tired of explaining why I can't or won't that I did it! I used to say that I wasn't a runner, that I could only run on a treadmill, that I couldn't run outdoors because I was big and people would laugh, .... Sometimes you get so low that it doesn't matter anymore what others think. I hated my " big short figure" in the new tight and tank top I had bought a month ago...but I did it anyway!
The rest....the rest is history like they say...but it's the story I rarely share! Fitness is not always about losing weight. You have to " occupy" till He comes. Sometimes it's in the midst of you stepping forward in faith that your miracle happens like Moses who had to step in the Red sea before it split. Not a moment before.
I am sharing this because I need to just be authentic. Yes I wanted to lose weight, yes it feels great to be smaller but the reason why I started running was to keep me alive on the inside....running outdoors has blessed me so much. It allowed me to bond with my husband at a time my health and the baby's health was consuming me and draining me.
It allowed me to worship God in a new way at a time when I was getting too drained to even pray for myself. Being in nature is such a gift when you are a Believer because it makes it impossible not to feel God's presence.
It helped me to dig deep within at a time when I was doubting myself more than ever....how could I raise 4 kids, be a good mom and a good wife when I didn't know what the future held for my baby girl? Running saved my mind...the physical weight loss is only a positive side effect! This is my true story!
My name is Nako, I am a mother of four, a Believer, a Runner and Running saved My Mind!
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